Hope Now Stands Renewed

Random thoughts from the brain of S...

For J and I, the 07-08 year has been defined by loss. Including our two miscarriages, we've had five people close to us pass away during the past nine months. We've become very aware of how temporary, and fragile, life really is. Heaven seems so close, and so much more like home, each time someone we love precedes us there. Like most people, I've imagined what it's going to be like to be in heaven, to walk straight into God's presence. Now when we talk about heaven, it seems so much more real when I think about the fact that I'll be worshiping with Mrs. Libby, holding Ruby's hand, and standing next to J's grandfather. It seems more and more like home, and that much of a sweeter place to look forward to, every time someone we love goes there before us.

During the past two months, I've struggled with understanding the reasons for our miscarriages, and why people who seem to be young and in good health are dying of breast cancer. It just seems so wrong. God has really been impressing on my heart that it seems wrong because it is wrong. We were not created to live in a world where people die. Our hearts long for a perfect world where no one suffers because that is where we are supposed to be. Jesus's death on the cross has saved us from our sin, and also from a world where people are born to die. I'm learning to give up this idea that everything will be perfect in this world, and to hope more and more for the day when I will see God's perfect creation - the new heaven and the new earth.

Totally unrelated...

I'm reading a book that I pretty much hate, but I just want to see how it ends. One of the main characters is a Benedictine monk who is considering leaving the monastery before taking his final vows. He talks a lot about who/what God is, and what spirituality is. He defines God as a "Beautiful Nothing" and says that real spirituality is what he feels when he is outside in nature, not what he experiences in church or while reading the Bible. Interesting idea. What if we defined other relationships in the same way that He defines His relationship with God? Like marriage, for example? Would it make sense to say that my marriage is defined by the moments that I feel warm and fuzzy feelings towards J? Those moments are crucial for maintaining the health of a marriage, and it's wonderful when I feel like my husband is my soulmate and my best friend in the whole world. But I don't think that those are the times that I show him real love. Real love is shown in the moments that I really don't want to do something for him, and choose to do it anyway, even when it means giving up something that I want or even need. Shouldn't our relationship with God require the same sacrifice, if not more? Perhaps real spirituality is not when we stand outside in nature and feel God's presence all around us. Instead, maybe it is when I choose to study His word even though the Old Testament seems impossibly boring and repetitive. Maybe it is when I bite my tongue and show love to the crazy parent in my class who is rude to me every single day. Hmm.

And, lastly, here is a good song.